Thank God for the Time
by kitten195
Summary: WINCEST! SONGFIC! Sam and Dean had everything. They had each other, a home, and four beautiful kids. That was unitl the accident that left one of them alone. *Sad story* BTW--take my poll if you've read my other stories!


*** Ok, so Sam and Dean are together, which means that it's WINCEST. They gave up hunting for a normal, safe life. They have a couple kids, but tragedy strikes. Dean dies in a car crash leaving Sam alone, and having to take care of their kids even though he hurts so badly.*** Songfic to: Love Lives On by Mallary Hope.

Thankful for the Time God Gave Me

"_I reached for you this morning, woke up with empty arms. Once again it's sinking in, how far away you are."_

The alarm clock pulled Sam from the happiness of his dream. The dream he's had for two months. The dream where his lover, his best friend, his partner is here with him. Before Sam could stop himself, he reached out for the other end of the bed. He reached for Dean. When his hand touched the cold sheets, the horrible memories flooded him. Opening his eyes, he was greeted with Dean's smiling face on the dresser. It was picture of them at the Grand Canyon on the fourth of July. They were so happy. Dean and Sam were sitting on a wooden bench, with four precious babies surrounding them. Tucker, the oldest, was in between them, declaring that he was too old to sit on their laps. Chelsea, always wanting to be like her big brother, wasn't satisfied until she sat on the edge next to Sam. Lucas was happy on Dean's lap, giving the camera his biggest smile. Little Grace was settled in Sam's arms, not giving much thought to the situation.

Tears filling his eyes, he looked away. He knew that once he got lost down memory lane, he would lose it. And the last thing we would do was shatter in front of his kids. They needed him now more than ever. He took a deep breath and got out of bed, his pity party being left behind on the pillow.

"_I still pour two cups of coffee, and tell you all about my dreams. This kitchen's way too quiet. You should still be here with me."_

Since he didn't have to wake the kids up for another thirty minutes, he took his time walking down the stairs. He made up a batch of joe, and out of unwillingness to break his habit, poured two cups of coffee. Not caring that it was scalding the roof of his mouth, he finished it off in five minutes flat. Setting his cup in the sink, he turned his attention to the untouched mug sitting on the white countertop. His heart broke just a little more when he picked it up and dumped it down the drain. Gripping the edges of the sink, he closed his eyes and willed the tears to stay back.

Once he regained control of his raging emotions, he turned and went to wake up the reasons why he's still trying. The reasons why he's still alive.

"_And I kept your favorite t-shirt. You know the one I used to hate. Ain't it funny how it's the one thing now, I just can't throw away."_

After getting his four rug rats up, dressed, and eating their breakfast, it was his turn to get ready. He opened the closet doors and began rifling in for the shirt. He knew which one he wanted and was determined to find it. About half way through his closet, he found what he was looking for, a navy blue sweater. Dean's sweater. Sam remembered that not six months ago, he hated that sweater. Dean wore it too often, and when he found out that Sam hated it, he wore it more. Sam tugged it over his head, examined himself in the mirror, and walked out of the bedroom, closing it softly behind him

Truth is, Sam hated the bedroom now. He can't go in there without remembered Dean. He remembered the day they painted their room. He remembered cuddling with Dean and telling him about his day. He remembered picking out baby names late at night, Sam suggesting and Dean refusing. Memories were his worst enemy lately.

"_I bring the kids on your birthday, little flowers in their hands. They know that you're not here, but they're too young to understand."_

Sam stopped the impala in front of the West Point Cemetery. He unbuckled Luke and Grace out of their car seats, while Tuck and Chelsea let themselves out. After freeing them from their confinements, they rushed after the others. They don't know why they're here. Sam couldn't tell them that their Daddy De was under a headstone. Then he wouldn't be able to get them to leave, or even understand. They seemed to be entertaining themselves with hide-and-seek at the other end of the field. He could hear their laughs and wished he could laugh like that again. Listening to his kids playing, he made his way to Dean's resting place. Dropping to his knee's he traced the letters on the tombstone with his fingers.

"Dean, I can't do this alone. Please man. I just can't. Not without you," he pleaded to the cold January air. He was tired of getting by, of living without half of his heart. And the prospect of living without it for the rest of his life made his chest hurt.

As the wind whipped through his chestnut hair, he would have swore that he heard Dean's laugh. Looking around frantically, his eyes met with Dean's. He was leaning against a nearby tree, smiling when Sam's mouth dropped open like a fish. Pushing back from the tree, he slowly made his way to where Sam was sitting.

"Close your mouth babe, the flies are getting in," he remarked as he crouched down in front of Sam, his Sammy.

Sam could feel the tears welling in his eyes but refused to even blink, afraid he would miss it.

Dean tilted his head slightly and sighed. "I know you're hurting baby, but you're stronger than this. You're the strongest person I know."

Bitterly laughing, Sam broke eye contact. "Dean…I'm the farthest thing from strong. I can't do this anymore; I'm not going to do this without you." He finished sadly.

Dean's eyes flared with anger. "Yes, you are," he stated coldly. "You want to know why, because you have four reasons to. Tucker, Chelsea, Lucas, and little Gracie are more than enough incentive to keep breathing. So what, are you gonna leave them alone?"

Sam shut his eyes, shaking his head. Dean was right, he couldn't abandon them like that.

"Dean, you should be here. Chelsea's starting school this fall. Tucker refuses to talk unless it's directed towards his siblings. Lucas still asks every night for you. And little Grace won't remember you."

"Remind them of me. Tell them that I love them all, and that I will always be in their hearts," he offered. Turning his head away for a moment, sighed, and turned back. "Sam I have to go, but I need you to know that I want you to live. I want you to love. I want you to go on and not give up. I want you to fall in love again, and I want to see that smile again. I promise that I won't cry, just live," and just like that, Dean was gone.

Surprisingly, Sam didn't break down. He touched the words on Dean's headstone that read, 'I'm gonna miss that smile.

I'm gonna miss you my friend

Even though it hurts the way it

Ended up

I'd do it all again

I'm not crying because I feel so sorry

for you

I'm crying for me'

He stood up with a new lease on life. He was going to try. He rounded up the kids, ushered them back into the warmth of the car, and just as he was about to get in himself, he heard Dean's voice being carried by the wind. "Just live, the rest will come to you." Sam smiled as he slid in his seat, and left the cemetery without one backwards glance.

"_Even though I cry like crazy, even though I hurt so bad. I'm thankful for the time God gave me, even though we couldn't make it last. I'm learning how to live without you, even though I don't want to. Love lives on."_

How did you like. I can write another chapter to finish the story, but that only depends on the reviews I get. I hope you enjoyed it!!


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